


About Faith, Hope and that Third One

by jossujb



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Deathfic, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Season/Series 13 Spoilers, Spoilers for Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, Translated from Finnish, Translation, hurts so much kill me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2019-01-17 04:43:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12357732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jossujb/pseuds/jossujb
Summary: What other faith is left, than the faith in reunions?





	About Faith, Hope and that Third One

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Uskosta, toivosta ja siitä kolmannesta](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/329757) by jossujb. 



> I translated this fic from Finnish by myself. Try to live with it. If you can read Finnish, please do check the original.

Dean pulled the sheet off Castiel's face for seconds only, expecting to see something cold and distorted  . But his face was calm instead,  absolutely  flawless. It would have been better, if it had  been beaten  to mush or even twisted by torment, because that's how death was for Dean. Bare violence. In fact, he hadn't  really  ever seen a body that  just  was. He threw the sheet back, over his face as fast as he had pulled it.

Then Dean tied Castiel's feet together with a shred of curtains. It  was supposed  to be  just  routine, something that hunters did to all fallen, if the situation allowed it. Dean tied a knot and swallowed.

“It can't be”, he said. Castiel couldn't hear him. He would never hear anything again.

Dean let his feet be and took the shoot off again to look at Castiel one more time. For the last time for reals now. A mere shy glimpse couldn't be the last one. Dean would regret if he didn't look now.  Something resembling a smiling serenity in Castiel disturbed him more than any bruise or wound could.

There was only one thing to do. Something he should have done a long time ago, instead of leaving it till the wake. Dean's expression was serious, when bend over the Castiel's body and kissed his mouth.

“I dunno where you're going, Cas, but I hope you won't be hurting there anymore”, said Dean. Castiel didn't reply. His lips didn't part. Nor did his eyebrows squish into a confused wrinkle. Dean wished so much that he had looked bad, to make it easier to burn him. It wasn't right to destroy something so peaceful.

“I want to believe, that we see again. Kinda corny, dont'cha think?” Dean laughed, if you bothered to call that a laughter.  It was  just  silly to talk about life after death, as he knew well himself, that  maybe  nothingness was better than all other options  . As in, what was the place you could  reasonably  expect after death with these experiences? Where is Castiel, if not on this world? What kind of hole could Dean even expect to get, when the Heaven was a joke and the Hell was irrelevant?  Maybe  emptiness was better than being.

He should have thanked him, when it was time for thanks. He should have loved, when there was love. Dean finished the shrouds, as he couldn't stand to look at Castiel's mute face.

“If I… uhh… if I ever _loved_ ”, Dean stammered, as that word was still difficult, even if Castiel was dead, “I did it  badly. Forgive me and see ya soon.”

See you, not goodbye. Farewells only for tonight, not for all eternity. If Dean still must have faith in something, it had to be reunions.

“We will meet again, I know it.  Maybe  not here or there or anywhere in particular. There where it's good to be”, Dean promised, more to himself than to the empty corpse covered in white.

Somewhere out there had to be freedom, right? And that's where Castiel was now. Without Dean Winchester.

Without pain.

 

**FIN**

 

 

 

 


End file.
